Who would fall for these 419 Scam Letters?

Call me nostalgic, but I'm the kind of guy who finds it hard to let go of pictures, cards, manuals, letters, books and such. Reason: I just never know when I'm gonna need it again.

Consequently, I find myself rummaging through piles of meaningless junk in search of gems I've forgotten I had.

Today, I was poking through my draft folder in yahoomail (yes, some of us actually use the extra features of Yahoo!) and came across a reply I drafted to one of those 419 scam letters I used to get back in the day. I wrote this in 2002 and I can't believe I never sent it - I really hope I actually did.

I've included the reply and the actual scam letter I got from the so-called Auditor Nelson so you can join me in wondering why anyone would fall for such a thing.

Enjoy:

Hi Nelson,

First of all, you no too try! I mean, everyone knows that its only Nigerians who sign their names (real & fake!) with terms like Dr this, Surveyor that, or as in your case, Auditor Nelson.

Secondly, a so-called auditor with access to millions of dollars can afford a secretary who can actually type and spell well! Put the first letter of your surname in block font dude!

Thirdly, your refer to God too much to be anything but an Ibo guy; the most religious tribe in Nigeria.

Anyhow sha, all the best in your scheme. May you be caught and flogged. Personally, I suggest you do some actual work with your God-given imagination. Publish an e-book on 419 crime or something.

oh, and DONT SEND ME YOUR CRAP AGAIN!!!



auditornelson1@i12.com wrote:

From Auditor.Nelson whyte
15 A Louis Botha Avenue,
Fellside Cape Town,
Republic of South Africa.
{KEEP THIS BUSINESS WITHIN YOURSELF FOR SECURITY
AND SAFE REASONS}

Dear Sir/Madam,

We want to transfer to overseas ($ 163,000.000.00 USD) ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY
THREE million United States Dollars) FROM SOUTH AFRICA, I want to ask you to
quietly look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable and fit to
provide either an existing Bank Account or to set up a new Bank A/C
immediately to receive this money, even an Empty A/C can serve, as long as
you will remain honest to me till the end for this important business
trusting in you and believing in God that you will never let me down either
now or in future.

I am Auditor.Nelson whyte,the Auditor General of the Bank of South Africa,
during the course of our Auditing I discovered a floating fund in an Account
opened in the Bank in 1990 and since 1993 nobody has operated on this
Account again, after going through some old files in the records I
discovered that the owner of the account died without a [heir] hence the
money is floating and if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be
forfeited for nothing.The owner of this account is Mr.Eshed.B.Willey, a
foreigner, and a sailor, and he died, since 1993. and no other person knows
about this account or anything concerning it, the Account has no other
Beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that Mr.Eshed.B.Willey
until his death was the Manager of DE BEERS MINING COMPANY LTD., in South
Africa.

We will start the first transfer with NINE Million [$9,000.000] upon
successful transaction without any disappoint from your side, we shall
re-apply for the payment of the remaining rest amount to your account, The
Amount involved is (USD163M) ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY THREE million United
States Dollars, only I want to first transfer $9,000.000 [NINE million
United States Dollar from this Money into a safe foreigners Account abroad
before the rest, but I don't know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as
a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local person here,
without valid international foreign Passport, but can only be Approved to
any foreigner with valid International Passport or Drivers license and
foreign A/C because the money is in US dollars and the former owner of the
A/C Mr.Eshed.B.Willey is a foreigner too, and the money can only be
Approved into a foreign A/C.

I got your email through my Personal Secretary through the internet,She did
not know you before neither do I know you she only got it when I told her
that I needed an email Address where I can send a Confidential Proposal
to,though I did not tell her what the content of my mail was,It only God
that brought us together to do this business and I am revealing this to you
with believe in God that you will never let me down in this business, you
are the first and the only person that I am contacting for this business.

I need your full co-operation to make this work fine because the management
is ready to Approve this Payment to any Foreigner who has correct
information of this account which I will give to you upon your positive
response and once I am convinced that you are capable and will meet up with
instruction of a key Bank official who is deeply involved with me in this
business. I need your strong assurance that you will never,never let me
down. With my influence and the position of the Bank official we can
Transfer this Money to any foreigner's reliable Account which you can
provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending our physical
arrival in your country for sharing.The Bank official will destroy all
Documents of transaction Immediately we receive this money leaving no trace
to any place and to build confidence.I will use my position and influence to
obtain all legal Approvals for onward transfer of this money to your account
with apropriate clearance from the relevant ministries and foreign exchange
departments.The onlything I needs from you now is to keep this business
within yourself untill I instruct you to spread the Good news to anyone OK
.
At the conclusion of this business, you will be given 35% of the total
Amount, 60% will be for me while 5% will be for expenses both parties might
have incurred during this process.
I look forward to your earliest reply through my email address

Yours,

Auditor.Nelson whyte

Of course Oshiomhole won!

Ask just about any Nigerian you can find on any street anywhere on this earth who is the more popular politician - Adams Oshiomhole or Prof Osunbor and the answer will be Oshiomhole. In fact, I'll bet you good Nigerian money that not a few will wonder just who exactly Prof Osunbor is.

Everybody knows Comrade Adams Oshiomhole. The man has fought for better wages for Nigerians, he has fought for civil liberties for Nigerians and now, finally, he has succesfully fought for political office.

He has been on tv more times as a regular Nigerian than Osunbor has been as a governor (not counting the pandering state-sponsored/influenced shows, documentaries and reports aired in Edo state since Osunbor came into power). Oshiomhole is better known or more notorious depending on whether he has stepped on your toes.

A few minutes ago, he was declared winner of the 2007 gubernatorial elections in his home state of Edo after an unneccessarily long and drawn out elections appeal process. In the minds of most right -thinking people, there could have only been one outcome from the Appeals Courts - an elected Governor Oshiomhole.

Why?

No long gist there... because it was simply impossible for him to have lost a clean election in Edo state to a comparative unknown like Prof. Osunbor. Argue all you want, espouse high-minded theories about the nature of elections and what-not but the fact of the matter is that elections are essentially popularity contests.

I should know, I've lost one or two.

But this is not about me, or the fact that this blog is the first to comment on Oshiomhole's victory. It is about a deserved win and the triumph of truth over lies.

My congratulations go out to Governor Adams Oshiomhole and his supporters. I only hope he can successfully govern the way he has always called on others to do.

Well, well, well...

He did it.

He won.

The son of a Kenyan immigrant is the top gun... the big dog... the main man of the most powerful country in the world. WOW!

Anyone who followed this election will agree that this was at one point the most unlikely of outcomes. Just go back a year to when the Hillary Clinton machine was on a roll. Obawho?

Anyhow, I've been busy so it was bound to be a landmark event like this that would get me blogging again. To Barack Hussein Obama, the american people and all the world... congratulations.

Happy Birthday Yanki

This is a belated post.

As most of my fellow citizens of blogville know, it's the fourth of July tomorrow - America's Independence day. The most famous democracy in the world is celebrating and the whole world will participate one way or the other.

It'll be all over the internet, the international news networks and the satellite TV shows. And as a lover of democracy, I'm happy. But as a guy who now lives my own country's capital, where I can observe firsthand the mood of my countrymen, I'm sad. We are so negative and cynical. I ask myself again and again how we became so cynical a people.

I've found that some of the most cynical Nigerians seem to be in Abuja. They'll tell you who did what, stole what slept with who to get what and so on and so forth. And instead of coming together to work for change in our country, these same negative people seem satisfied to live lives resigned to the very problems they see.

People in Abuja regularly interact in churches, mosques, clubs, bars, movie theatres, hotel lobbies, and car parks and in almost all these places I've found that it seems to be a thing of pride to know the negative inside story. Everybody wants to tell you what is really going on at the senate or at the presidency or even in less hallowed government chambers.

I was commenting to my cousin about the NTA DG prior to Ben Bruce who stated to my hearing that it would be impossible for NTA to start 24hr broadcasting. His reason? Their equipment could barely keep them on air as it were and to go 24hrs would finally kill them. Yet, barely a year later NTA was giving us 24hr service. Thanks to Ben Bruce.

Another kinsman in the room immediately let me know that the only reason Bruce was able to achieve that was because his appointment was at the behest of the late Stella Obasanjo who wanted someone who would give her the sort of personal coverage she wanted. According to my cynic, NTA had never before or since received the sort of allocations it did under Obasanjo.

I tried to counter that even with money, one still needed vision and was about to point to Silverbird Cinemas as proof of the triumph of vision over impossible odds. But I was cut off as my cynic let me know that those ideas had been on the table for years but Bruce merely reaped the benefits of his contacts. He also implied that Bruce made money during his tenure and pointed to the Galleria as proof.

I was sickened. Both by his odious cynicism and by the possibility that he was right (hey, I'm not naïve). But still, must we continue to seek out the bad in every good thing? I mean c'mon… what you seek you will usually find. And I'm tired of finding a corrupt tale in every good deed.

Remember the way DSTV bestrode our DTH satellite TV scene like a colossus? Remember the way they dealt with any and all challengers till the last Minister of Information, Frank Nweke Jr, almost single-handedly ensured that DSTV could not claim sole broadcast rights to high demand foreign channels in Nigeria? Remember how that opened the door for HiTV to become the first real challenger to DSTV in almost two decades?

I was so happy when that happened and Nweke Jr was my main man. I actually look forward to meeting him to tell him so. Well, a new acquaintance I made two days after I arrived in Abuja revealed to me that Nweke Jr is a major shareholder in HiTV. The news was one more unwanted stone in my rice if you know what I mean. Now I'm wondering – was he a shareholder before or after campaigning so astutely to bring DSTV's reign to an end? I wonder if he's conscientious enough to admit to the negatives in that achievement. Either way, he and Toyin Subair are two people I'd like to take to lunch someday.

Speaking of lunch, I was at Chicken Republic with a friend after church this past Sunday and he complained about how we Nigerians just love huge profits in the short run even if it meant fewer people could buy things. His example was a guy importing cars at about 800,000 only to resell at 2million. He felt that was outrageous. I agreed. Then I asked him about a house he purchased and remodeled at a cost of 30million and had just offered to a buyer the week before at 90million.

He smiled and admitted he was just as bad. At least he was conscientious enough to admit that he was a part of the problem. I wish we would all be that way. I wish more people would seek to change themselves first. I wonder how many of my fellow bloggers would be proud of the source of the money that sent them abroad to school. I wonder how many people reading this would start standing up to parents, uncles and aunties who are obviously living on money they haven't earned. It's for all our sakes including that uncle's.

I was at a house in Asokoro belonging to a former minister of finance and I could not help feeling a rising sense of outrage at the obvious wealth. Every single furniture and fitting in the place was imported; probably with my money if you believe the rumors. I took photos to show my wife. It was a lovely home. Don't get me wrong – I don't begrudge people the right to live well. But we have heard the stories and people have eyes. You can't suddenly start spending money and not become a target. And the way people gathered across the street to watch this minister's family move in made me realize how unsafe they truly were.

May these grenade throwing kidnappers and fighters in the south-south not ever realize how easy it would be to hit the real thieves at home in Abuja. Some of us bloggers could become collateral damage. I'm tired of being negative. I want to see change. I will keep blogging for change, talking for change and living the change I advocate. I hope maybe in my own way I can encourage others to do the same.

I'm not alone in this. We all want to be truly happy for our nation on it's next birthday. We want to stop hearing the noise of generators. We want to be able to rent or buy a house at reasonable prices. We want to not overpay for a car. We want to not fear our police. We want to not suspect every campaigning minister or doubt every government initiative. And we can too!

We start by not throwing trash on the road. We continue by not going late to work and by asking what else we need to do. We keep it up by at least being nice to the next person and by never being rude to anyone. We take it to new heights by learning to apologize and by offering to help others solve problems. By seeking and finding ways to get money that we cannot tell the whole world we got. It's up to us bloggers, regular readers and casual surfers. It's up to us government workers, private businesspeople and traders. It's up to us O.

So, having typed all this to the rhythm of the generator let me conclude. To one of the countries that give its people those things that we all want I say… Happy Birthday Yanki!

Lazy Blogger

I AM SUCH A LAZY BLOGGER!

Good God Almighty! To all my fellow bloggers out there who update like four times a week I just wanna say I hail y'all. You guys are either the hardest working neo-journalists and exhibitionists or the most amazing bunch of layabouts ever to come out of Nige.

I'm being somewhat humorous and somewhat sarcastic with a little bit of jealousy thrown in. I mean seriously c'mon. I can barely get in a post a week and some folk just seem to post from their minds! Just think "publish post" and its there.

Ok but honestly I've been busy (almost typed "busty" there for a sec... lol) what with moving and all. But really, that's no excuse. And it's not as if life has not served up enough topics to blog about either.

Just the other day, I was backstage at a show in Lagos watching the Mo' Hits crew do their thing, and I agree with Bumight about Wande Coal's anointing being used up, and later 9ice was up. How that boy wears his jeans ass-down without them falling around his ankles I'll never know. Did I blog about that? No. I just dey see tins but I no dey report am here again.

Also, I was in an office at a government parastatal and I met with the this-of-that to discuss this and that and the silly bloke began to ask me what was in it for him if it got passed.

Hehn??! Me? Give you a cut out of my own sweat and blood? For nothing. I was too tired to be nice so I just played dumb, set my phone to record our conversation and asked him to be clear about what he wanted. I missed the really juicy parts but I still have enough to mess him up. Ideas on what to do with my "evidence" anyone?

But again... I didn't blog about it. See laziness.

I just reviewed my posts and can't find the last time I consecutively posted with pictures. Plus, my blog has been looking a bit stale in my eyes. Need to spice it up y'know and update my blogroll. Jeez, its like cleaning house or renovating. It brings out the procrastinator in me.



Another thing, I'm wondering if anyone out there feels some kind of blogger-peer-pressure to be current, sexy, have multiple comments on banal posts (no diss intended to anyone) etc etc? Cause I think until I finally settle down to get me one of them starcomms internet whatchamacllits, I'll never be regular with my gists.

I am definitely in a PHCN-induced mood. For an explanation read Blog all Day & Night.

My Blog of the Week: Naijaleta for the ever-increasing buzz he's been generating. Ahmed, 'na Abuja yanzu fa.